So remember how everything was wonderful? Remember how the pieces in my life were just starting to fall into place? New job, new boyfriend, falling in love, fairytale of a life and it was FINALLY mine! Well that was short-lived. So here I am again single. My mission: to work it out, sing it out, write it out until I feel better.
I’ve decided it’s me. I fall for the wrong kind of person every fucking time. I’ll take me a brunette with blue eyes who is kind, funny and sarcastic with a side of mommy problems please. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I’m a fucking mess. I’m a mess of a soft-hearted, emotional girl. I’m just another pretty girl with problems.
I have no desire to put myself out there. I have no ambition to put myself on some stupid dating website. I’ve done that and it didn’t work out. I don’t want to meet people at bars. I don’t want to have awkward first dates and “getting to know you” talks. I don’t want to feel that nervousness. I don’t want to have another first kiss. I don’t want to do it. I refuse. I didn’t even want a relationship when I first met this guy. Why would I want to do it again?! FFS
I’m weak. I’m an emotional wreck. I feel too deeply. I fall too hard. I cry too easily. I give too much. I’m selfish. I’m not a morning person. I punish myself too often because I expect perfection from myself but overlook HUGE flaws in others. I make bad decisions…a lot of them. I love making bad decisions. I over-share. (See? I’m doing it right now!) I’m independent but I want to be pampered (wtf is that about?!).
See what I mean? Now don’t get me wrong. I have about a million good qualities, but where in the world will I ever find someone to overlook all those bad ones? My friends keep saying things like “He’s out there.” and “I guess he wasn’t the one” and I know they are trying to be supportive and help me through this, but I really just want to build a nest out of blankets and stay there for the next 30 years until I die.
Gee aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Isn’t it inspiring and uplifting? Sorry.
I also make fun of myself for being an idiot frequently.
I’ll recover. Don’t worry. Tune in next time for more updates on my process.