And my life comes crashing to a halt again…

So remember how everything was wonderful? Remember how the pieces in my life were just starting to fall into place? New job, new boyfriend, falling in love, fairytale of a life and it was FINALLY mine! Well that was short-lived. So here I am again single. My mission: to work it out, sing it out, write it out until I feel better.

I’ve decided it’s me. I fall for the wrong kind of person every fucking time. I’ll take me a brunette with blue eyes who is kind, funny and sarcastic with a side of mommy problems please. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I’m a fucking mess. I’m a mess of a soft-hearted, emotional girl. I’m just another pretty girl with problems.

I have no desire to put myself out there. I have no ambition to put myself on some stupid dating website. I’ve done that and it didn’t work out. I don’t want to meet people at bars. I don’t want to have awkward first dates and “getting to know you” talks. I don’t want to feel that nervousness. I don’t want to have another first kiss. I don’t want to do it. I refuse. I didn’t even want a relationship when I first met this guy. Why would I want to do it again?! FFS

I’m weak. I’m an emotional wreck. I feel too deeply. I fall too hard. I cry too easily. I give too much. I’m selfish. I’m not a morning person. I punish myself too often because I expect perfection from myself but overlook HUGE flaws in others. I make bad decisions…a lot of them. I love making bad decisions. I over-share. (See? I’m doing it right now!) I’m independent but I want to be pampered (wtf is that about?!).

See what I mean? Now don’t get me wrong. I have about a million good qualities, but where in the world will I ever find someone to overlook all those bad ones? My friends keep saying things like “He’s out there.” and “I guess he wasn’t the one” and I know they are trying to be supportive and help me through this, but I really just want to build a nest out of blankets and stay there for the next 30 years until I die.

Gee aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Isn’t it inspiring and uplifting? Sorry.

I also make fun of myself for being an idiot frequently.

I’ll recover. Don’t worry. Tune in next time for more updates on my process.


It’s a Good Week

This week has been the most epic week ever so far. It started on Sunday when I saw my best friend and her beautiful newborn baby. (I cried.)

Then today I was offered the most amazing job, and I accepted. (I cried again.)  It will allow me to move back closer to my friends. It will allow me to do the kind of work I absolutely love. It will allow me to spend more time with my friends and family.

My guy has news too, but he’s being secretive. Oh that man can be so frustrating, but I like him so much I just don’t even care. Sometimes I just wish he’d be a little more open with his feelings, but if that’s the worst thing I have to deal with… I’ll do it.

Oh that man makes me smile so big… and it never ends, that smile. I can be so frustrated and still smiling like a damn jack-o-lantern! Gah. How does he do it?!

I can’t wait to see him this weekend. It will bring the best end to the best week I’ve had in a long time.